Invisible
by rainbowolf13
Summary: One-shot: alternate outcome to Waverly's crush on Nicole. **Disclaimer: It's a bit depressing, so fair warning. Twitter: @rainbowolf13


Waverly Earp sat in her sister's office browsing over the latest information on the Revenant camp, attempting to locate their next target to send back to the depths of Hell. She didn't hear her best friend sneak up behind her. She felt fingers poke her ribs and she jumped sky-high in a mix of being ticklish and startled. She whipped around to see Nicole Haught standing there laughing.

"Got ya!" Nicole said, her dimples showing.

Waverly's heart skipped a beat in her chest. She did her best to hide her true feelings as she lightly slapped Nicole's shoulder. "Don't do that! Especially not while I'm trying to concentrate!"

Nicole just shrugged her shoulders as she dropped to the seat across the desk from Waverly. "That's why I did it. You were concentrating way too hard." She kicked her feet up onto the desk.

Waverly just rolled her eyes. She felt her pulse in her throat. The deputy made her heart race and she could hear it in her ears. She hoped Nicole couldn't hear it, too. She shouldn't feel this way for her best friend. She knew Nicole had a wife back home, a wife that was supposed to be moving to Purgatory in the near future, so these feelings she had could not happen. They could never come to light or be expressed. Waverly convinced herself they would eventually go away if she kept ignoring them, but how is she supposed to ignore them when she's around her best friend constantly?

She finished up what she was doing and packed up her bag. "Want to go to Shorty's with me once you're off work?" She sat on the desk next to Nicole's feet.

"Of course I do. Must you really ask? I should be off in the next 30 minutes so I can meet you over there."

Waverly watched Nicole stand up and they hugged a temporary goodbye before Waverly made her way to the bar. She wished that hug meant more, wished it was more, wished it ended with a kiss and she kicked herself hard for even thinking that. However, she couldn't stop the thoughts no matter how hard she tried. Every time Nicole talked about Shae, she felt nothing but jealousy for the woman she had never met. The woman lucky enough to call Nicole hers.

She sat at the bar and ordered a drink. Gus knew Waverly all too well and attempted to find out what was going through Waverly's head, but Waverly kept her feelings locked away. They were never allowed to escape and never would be. She was still posted in the same spot wallowing in her own self pity when Nicole walked in. Despite her heartbreak, Waverly's face and spirit lifted as soon as the redhead got to her side. She wanted desperately to not feel what she did, but it was an involuntary emotion.

The women drank a few beers and were enjoying themselves when Wynonna showed up and added more fun to the mix. Waverly hung on Nicole's shoulder while being careful to not touch too much and give herself away. Sometime turned on an Adele station on the jukebox and everyone started singing karaoke bar-style. She smiled as she listened to Nicole sing "Rolling in the Deep" at the top of her lungs.

She began singing with her until the next song began to play and she felt her heart tighten and a knot form in her throat. She fought back tears as the entrance to "Make You Feel My Love" started playing. She really couldn't catch a break, could she? She wanted to sing every line to Nicole, make her see and feel that she meant every word. She made eye contact with Wynonna who seemed to read her like a book. Wynonna cocked her head sideways in silent question and Waverly shook her head as she looked at the floor in defeat. She quickly excused herself to go outside for a moment of fresh air.

Waverly leaned against the brick wall fighting the tears that threatened to spill down her face. She took a few deep breaths to regain her composure so no one would suspect anything and the song would be over by the time she got back in. She turned to walk into the door and came face to face with Wynonna.

"What's going on with you, Waves? Are you okay?"

Waverly sighed deeply before looking into her sister's eyes. "No. No, I'm not. I don't know how to handle these feelings. I don't know what to do or how to make them go away."

"What feelings? What's wrong?" Wynonna closed the gap between them and wrapped her sister in her arms.

"I….I, uhm, r-really like Nicole as more than my b-best f-friend," she stuttered. It was the first time she'd told anyone and she couldn't decide how to feel about that.

Wynonna's arms tightened around her. "I know. I can see that. And I think you should tell her."

Waverly pulled out of the hug and stared at her sister. "What?! N-no! I can't do that. This...these feelings...they can't leave my brain. They have to stay locked away forever. She's got a wife who is coming here soon. I can't do that. I...I can't risk scaring her away and losing my best friend. She can't know this. Ever. It'll ruin everything I have with her. She will never see me like I want her to, like I need her to. I don't matter to her like that and I never will."

She watched as sadness washed through Wynonna's eyes. Pity. That's why she refused to tell anyone. Pity was the last thing she wanted. She huffed as she took a step back and stared at the ground. "I'm an idiot for feeling this way. Maybe I'm just desperate for attention and they aren't real feelings. I don't know, but they really need to go away. They are tearing my heart to shreds whether they are real or not."

"I know, baby girl. I'm sorry. I wish I had an easy answer for you. If you don't want to tell her, that's your decision, but you have to find a way to live with it or hope they change back to just friends. I love you, Waves." Wynonna wrapped her in a tight hug again. Waverly fought the tears with all of the strength she had left, eyes burning and heart shattering.

Waverly sat on her front porch listening to music and writing in her journal. The sound of tires on the dirt made her look up. She saw Nicole pulling into her driveway. She quickly slammed her journal shut and hid it beneath the cushion of her chair. She smiled as Nicole walked up the steps and sat across from her.

"Hey, Waves! I wanted to come over and hang out with my bestie for a while! I feel like I haven't seen you much this last week, not since Shorty's the other night. Are you alright?"

She quickly swallowed her initial thoughts and put on her best lie face. "Yeah, I'm great! I've just been busy helping Wynonna and Dolls with this recent case. I'm sorry I haven't been around."

"It's okay. I know how work is. It gets in the way a lot. I talked to Shae today, though! She said she's almost ready to get here. I'm pretty excited."

Waverly's teeth clenched at the sound of Shae's name and she felt like she might be sick. She couldn't help but wish Nicole was this excited about her. She zoned out as Nicole continued talking about her wife and their plans. She should be listening and paying attention to her best friend, but she just couldn't. Her mind began to wander and she pictured what this moment could be like if she were in Shae's position. Nicole's voice broke her concentration.

"Waves? Waves... ?"

"Hmm? Oh, sorry."

"You checked out there for a minute. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Y-yes. I'm f-fine. I'm glad you finally get to see Shae soon." She kicked herself for the stutter. She failed at this lying thing.

Nicole looked at her funny for a second before finishing what she was saying. "I'm going to pick her up from the airport next week. It's so close!"

Waverly felt her eyes burning. Crying isn't allowed and feelings aren't allowed. She needed to get rid of these thoughts and fast. She put on a happy face for Nicole's sake and made an effort to change how she was reacting to her. She listened to their plans as she fought back tears and fought the urge to vomit.

The following week, Waverly stood in the doorway of the PD as she watched Nicole walk down the street with Shae. She was officially in the picture. Her chest ached and a few tears rolled down her cheeks. The song "Girl Crush" began playing in her head as the tears fell. Luckily no one was around and she planned on avoiding Nicole until her eyes were back to normal.

"She looks way happier when she's with you."

Wynonna's voice made her jump and she quickly wiped her face with her hands. "Wynonna! What...I thought I was alone. Where did you come from?"

"I was here the whole time. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. At least I will be. Eventually. I hope. Ugh, no. I'm not fine. Why can't that be me? I'm so much better. I can treat her better and give her everything she deserves, but I can't have her. I still don't know if it's just loneliness or desperation or a simple crush on your friend, but she speaks to my heart and I just...I don't know. And I'm rambling." Waverly's head dropped, more tears spilling out.

Wynonna wrapped her sister in a tight hug and she began to cry harder. "It's okay, Waverly. It's okay." Waverly knew that was not the case as she buried her face into her sister's jacket. She knew Nicole would never see her, never choose her, and it was time she found a way to accept her fate. She would forever want someone she could never have and she was never going to be able to change that. She was always going to be invisible.


End file.
